ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize