sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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