??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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