i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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