I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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