what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
