a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
