Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My feet surprised me
Randomize
