You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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