Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
