Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
