so that wasnt chicken after all
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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