I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
