Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize