He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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