you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
