Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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