So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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