He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
