Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
