How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
