I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
