Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
