I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
