I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
