He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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