Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
