Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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