Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
