He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need a beard to bite.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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