My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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