As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
