When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My feet surprised me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
