Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I cut my penus on the lid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
