You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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