I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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