I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
