I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
