ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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