So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
