Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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