ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
