Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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