he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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