somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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