Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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