thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
