Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Only a mothe r could love this liver
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
