Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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