I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a bag of teeth...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
