We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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