you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
