with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
