Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
