Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
